Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy New Year

...basically doing it the same way.


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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Chow Yun-Fat is an old, dirty turtle hermit/pervert.

"Master Roshi is Goku's mentor, helping him achieve the highest state of fighting and spiritual powers."

And just who is Master Roshi in the "shot-in-Mexico,replacing-all-Japanese-characters-with-Americans-and-two-Koreans?"

Why, that'd be:

Chow Yun-Fat. Reprising his role from Bulletproof Monk, Yun-Fat will be the first mentor for Goku who teaches him the series' trademark Kame Hame-Ha (or... Great Flying Turtle Wave.)

At some point, I imagine there'll be a bar in the tiny Mexico town they're filming in. And one day, all the actors will meet at this bar for a drink. And they'll laugh. Laugh and laugh and laugh.
Because they'll realize they've started the end of the world. And they feel fine.

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In other Patton Oswalt news...

Patton OswaltNeill Cumpston has seen CLOVERFIELD MONSTER GOES APESHIT.

In fact, he provides the pull quote to end all pull quotes:
The monster RIPS THE LIVING SHIT out of the city, and everyone in its path. It’s like the Iraq War and Hurricane Katrina and Kathy Griffin’s vagina combined and turned into a giant murder-beast and it’s hungry for every hip person in Manhattan.

Neill is a long-time regular at the clusterfuck known as AICN's Solicitied Reviews of Joy and Wonder.

In fact, GeekOut! has a list compiled leading up to Neill's classic 300 review, "Neill Cumpston Has Seen 300!!!!!!!!!!!" that is seperated into Cool Thing One and Two ("HEAVY METAL DURING BATTLE SCENES" and "FOES, MINI-BOSSES AND A BIG BOSS" respectively) and a Not So Good Thing ("DUDE NUDITY 'DUDE-ITY.'")

Many debate whether our boy Neill is a valid critic. In fact, if we believe the intros that DREW MCWEENY (aka moriarty) have provided for Neill, our boy is a live-at -home, mid-thirty-something who works at a pretzel shop. Or, you know, he's a certain comedian who voiced a rat over the summer.

But for serials: no one else has seen Cloverfield and considering Oswalt's love of film, hatred of critics and loathing of junket interviews (I stand by him on 2 of the 3 points. I only sort of like film,) it isn't so surprising to consider him as Neill.

Then again, when you consider the brunt of AICN's plants reviews, maybe Neill probably is real and just a poor man's, mockbuster Vern.

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Monday, December 17, 2007

This Is How I Want To Die

"If you're HAPPY about getting free beer and cheap blended whiskey for thirty-eight minutes, or SAD about NOT getting free beer and cheap blended whiskey for thirty-eight minutes, you need to die. In a plane crash. And I get to fuck your eyes while we're crashing."
-Patton Oswalt.

Patton, I will see you soon. Please use protection and make sure they serve Philadelphia Whiskey and have Arrogant Bastard as the free beer. I'll even be willing to barter and sit through various episodes of Static Shock while you get off.


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Sunday, December 16, 2007

Oh you devil swordsman

While spending a long time writing another upcoming piece for The Reeler--it is totally in almost-final-draft form, Stu--I got sidetracked with liquor and YouTube, as I am want to do.

Another problem I've been faced with is what to title an upcoming bi-weekly column I'm writing for a certain House Next Door.

So far, working titles include:
Bukowski Bukkake
Thomas Looser's Ghost
Keith Vincent Hates You, Undergraduate.
It's Over 9000
Tamala 2012
Shonen Shoujo Pop!
Idiot Savant Japan
Vadim Rizov Is Big in Japan

Until I figure it out, here's the acoustic version of Demon Knight Garo's theme:

And the ending to Welcome To The NHK! which I'll write on in the first column and how it acknowledges the "Neo-OTAKU."*

*note:I know how fucking pretentious "Neo-OTAKU" sounds, but considering NHK's acknowledgment of NEET/hikiomori, it would be insane not to address it first. Especially with the solo/group aspects that american anime fandom switch between. Gah, that sounds so lame.

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Saturday, December 15, 2007

Lou Will Fuck You

Karina (@SpoutBlog) seems to be turned off to the entire idea that Junowriter Diablo Cody (aka Brook Busey-Hunt) is being salivated over by the Lou Lumenicks of the world since she was totally once a (sort of) stripper and is totally in possession of boobs.

As Ms. Longworth writes:
"As if it wasn’t gross enough to think that Juno’s critical success could be the product of a bunch of journalists wanting to hang out with a sometime stripper, and all the “once a sex worker, permanently a whore ie: maybe she’ll get naked during our interview” bullshit that entails, it’s almost worse to think that these dudes are, like, patting themselves on the back for spreading the urban legend about The Stripper Who Actually Had a Brain."

As if Strippers had brains. And seriously, who hasn't Lou Lumenick fucked, wanted to fuck or fucked in order to give them an award?

I remember that five minutes in a dark alley with promises of a screening for Ghost Rider as if it were yesterday. Since it was. Oh, Lou.

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Thursday, December 13, 2007

Blood Brother

My profile of Paul Dano went live yesterday at The Reeler. In it, I look at Dano the actor and how There Will Be Blood is certainly his break-out film.

That said, Paul and I discussed his earlier works a bit. STV and I went through roughly 10 drafts for the final product--believe me, more my fault than his. At one point, the article ran 3,000 words and that was before I even got into Little Miss Sunshine.

So, for the sake of needing original content here, excerpts from the transcript when I ask Paul about his other roles. Do note, I did take parts and use them in my final feature. To break the fourth wall completely, we spent a half hour discussing his various roles after talking about Blood and other little things.

On Taking Lives. What did appeal to you about that?
It’s just a nine or ten minute scene at the beginning of the film. And the thing that appealed to me about that was that I got to kill somebody. I never did that before. We were filming—I smash a kid’s head in with a rock after pushing him in front of a car—I had to hold a rock over this kid’s head and had to miss. It was pretty thrilling. I could have smashed his face in. Wow, that sounds pretty sick. I liked the scene, actually. It was a fun scene, a few days of work.

Let's go to the inverse about death. Talk about The King.
Yes, to be killed. Not as fun to act getting killed. The King was something I liked for a couple years and the script was shaving trouble getting made and finally made. Gael Garcia Bernal is a great guy,a great actor. So is William Hurt. I sort of liked that character. He was just so earnest, a sweet kid and young man of principle and do good and take care of his family. That was right around—the time it made sense to do a character like that, cause I had just done The Ballad of Jack and Rose.

Anyway, I feel like it has to something to do with wanting to try and do a couple of different things: kill a person, be a guy who’s very moralistic and religion. It was a small film, I don’t think a lot of people saw it. I can’t really be too objective about the movies I’ve been in, as far as having to watch yourself. I had a good time, I guess.

note: Personally, I read into the "Paul" character into a completely different way and told him so the first time we sat down to discuss the profile. To this day, I see The King's Paul as a precursor to Eli Sunday.

Okay. So, let's move onto your experience with Jack and Rose.
We filmed up in Prince Edward Island, Canada which is off Nova Scotia. They built this commune type thing. It was really like going to a summer camp, we were just there and really involved in what we were doing. I would say that was the first journey I took as an actor where I spent some serious time with the character. I’m not sure if it was working with people like Daniel and Katherine Keener who make you want to try and be as good as you can be, but I think it was shortly before that my passion for acting was growing. I finally, literally conscious ly made a decision sitting at my desk, I know I’m in college right now, but I’m going to be an actor.—I’m going to college for literature—
I just have to work hard to satisfy myself. That film wad big for me as a person because I did get to work with some people I really admired. That just feels good, really, simply. I would say it was a big experience for me, but it was definitely the first part I did where I was like really conscious about wanting to be an actor and be a good actor. It made the experience different. That was the first time where I had a lot of the character rub off into my life. I remember I cut my hair at the end of the film, I saw myself in the mirror for the first time, it was such a strange thing.

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Monday, December 03, 2007

Why I cleaned coffee off my computer today

xkcd, "Trolling"

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Sunday, December 02, 2007


Saw There Will Be Blood last Thursday with Vadim. Met THND's Keith thanks to the Dark Prince and was told that the word to remember at the end of Blood is: milkshake.

This is sort of a spoiler, but in the sense that it is the single greatest line of the year next to No Country's lucky coin monologue.

And just how is Blood?


(my attempts at getting pull-quoted aside, it is awesome. There is one required point where PTA decides to ignore the obvious plot, go off on a half-assed family side-plot and wind up with Daniel Day-Lewis digging a hole in the ground. But it swings back in time for the "Baptism" scene. And holy lord, if that doesn't make you forget the wasted 15 minutes.)

Fun, important side note: never drink three cups of coffee before sitting down for a PTA film. You're going to miss at least five minutes of dialog during the whole "wasted 15 minutes."

edit: photo is totally stolen from Glenn Kenny.

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Saturday, December 01, 2007


Say hello to the latest AICN-review meme:
"Just saw CLOVERFIELD in a small screening in NYC. IT WAS AWESOME!"

Seriously, there's something to be said about this whole race for personal coverage when you scramble to put up a one-line "IT WAS AWESOME" review in boxquotes, remove it and then confirm the only people that saw it were Viacom employees.

In other words, to the people in that screening room earlier:

Seriously 2: This is why I hate lad-mag film sites. Cough.

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