Thursday, June 29, 2006

yes, spider-man, i do like buck-cake.

I was watching television last night, as a lonely fellow of my social stature tends to do on Wednesday nights, and I was not impressed with Blade: the Series. Sure, it's got an angry black man who sneers and does cool sword tricks. But Blade was getting fucked up way too often by those lesser-known, nameless character actors. And I could've sworn I saw Randy Quaid. That could've also been the liquid pretzel I drank with my former roommate last night.

but this got me thinking. Blade sucks. He has to, he's a vampire.
But more importantly, Blade:the Series is an embaressment to superheroes everywhere.


so here's a guy in a Spider-Man outfit asking if I like Bukkake.




i can never disagree with you, Spider-Man.

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Monday, June 19, 2006

jeezum timble tibble

i believe i made that phrase up last friday while talking to my good friend, mr. snuggles. however, neither of us can be sure since he tends to not listen to any phone call after 3 am, which is when i find i have something important to say to him.
such previous great moments of post-3 am history include:
-tzasle.
-zubba zubba zubba.
everyone's favorite,
- i fucked your mom. she was tight, like a keyhole.
and last, but certainly least,
-hey, what's up? I was just seeing if...you...dirty cocksucker son of a bitch...i know it was you. you prick. anyway, want to get a drink? you can buy.


but i was reminded to make a post for my former roommate's birthday. rather than do something original, such as write about eating a tasty burger slathered in secret (human) sauces and jalepeƱos or talk about how i am fascinated by pink haired women and the rabbis who act as their sugar daddy, I present this.

needle anus.

happy birthday, former roommate.

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Sunday, June 11, 2006

i'm with ultraman on this one.

so, when i was 4 or 5 I really liked Ultraman. My mom took me to this crusty t-shirt place where they airbrushed stuff. i got me my very own personal shirt with Ultraman brushed onto it. it was bad-ass.
i wish i knew where the fuck i put that thing.

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Saturday, June 10, 2006

dance magic dance.

the first day i was in middle school, we all had a huge morning meeting in our atrium. we were welcomed. and then the school band played "magic dance" by bowie. and i wouldn't know that until today when i googled the fucking song, but i heard it during Labyrinth.


well. today. i found a new magic dance.
i call it: "jesus fucking h. christ, japan. we all dig 'funky forrest,' but this is too far."





i like the really pissed off opponent.

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Sunday, June 04, 2006

love is a kick. and I'm for knocking.

after a night of horrid times and broken dreams, i found myself throwing up at 3 a.m. on the side of the street and quickly wondered what had done it.
Well, that was an easy answer: it was the potato I microwaved for dinner and not the few whiskey sours, lagers or the mudslide that a bartender made for me--i didn't order it. but now that i know they make mudslides, i will go back to that bar. not la caverna, another bar.



and now, for your viewing pleasure, pictures from last night:






here i am talking about my love of japanese pop punk. i also turned into jim varney, of "Ernest" fame.




here i am buying a $7 whiskey sour with six dollars. again, i turned into jim varney, of "Ernest" fame.




here i am wearing glow-in-the-dark glasses and dancing in the dark while my old roommate takes a picture.
here i am not jim varney, of "Ernest" fame.



and when i woke up today, there were dozens of delicate gnomes with bullhorns running around inside my head. and they were so excited because they got a shipment of jackhammers today. and they played and played and woke me up and forced me to dread life.
and i think i now have a husband. or wife.
i need to get that checked out.

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